It’s not the years of your life that counts, IT’S THE LIFE IN THOSE YEARS

Yes, I know. It's not me.

Lately, I got in touch with old friends who used to adore me on stage. They ask me how I do it. They wonder what made my rendition so special that they actually feel different when I sing those songs. THEY USED TO ASK ME. But look at me now.

It's been six years since I last stood on that stage. I have not really performed since then. I remember packing my bags and left the scene without telling anyone why. I had to. I was about to do serious stuff for my father and I can't risk being exposed like that. I miss the spotlight. Now, I got in touch with some of them through friendster, some I even can't get myself to add. I added a few of them, one was the total performer I learned so much from. She was also the one who taught me to drink red wine instead of vodka. She taught me so many things. When I scanned her photos, I realized that this girl has gone a long way. A part of me wanted that… wanted what she achieved. But I am happy for her, she truly deserved it. I checked a few others who were my rivals. Now, I see them in youtube as well. They have gone far. Particularly this girl, she was always so serious about the way she sings,but now, she earned the laughter I once had when I was on stage. It's hers now, not mine. And applause is hers now, not mine. The band is hers now, not mine.

I used to have that voice. That stretch, that diaphragm… that belt…

I didn't mind not being the prettiest. I was nothing to compare with the others like HyperBeat who can dance with choreography, jumping up and down while singing. I was just the prim and proper slinky little lady on stage, with a voice that you could never thought she had. And now, I'm far from that.

A part of me wanted to leave this tainted life behind and come back to this passion. A lot of people await me. But there are some things you just can't do. And those things, money can not buy.

This is one example of freedom, that I will never have.