For once, I actually DID agree

I read one of my friends' blog… (if he ever considered me one). Well, yeah. After the ritual this coming May, I imagined my batchmates crying with both tears of joy and sorrow. Yeah, they have friends. They really did. But I was wondering, will I be crying because I'll miss my friends? Or will I be crying because at long last, I'll leave the hellhole? Would I even cry?

Whilst everybody I know will be hugging and holding hands, and smiling ear to ear… I will be swallowing my pride. I will try to be sincere singing the alumni hymn… or would I even open my mouth?  Guess not.

I imagined, whilst everybody else would be jumping for joy, throwing their hats in the air, posing for nearly all the cameras friends and family brought… I'd be standing there, still. And take reality as it is. I'll be looking around, trying to remember the faces of the people I considered dear to me once. I'll be trying to keep those faces etched in my memory. These people shall be unharmed.

Once I leave the room full of people, I can not look back. I have to breathe deep and hard to keep me going. I have to put myself together, for the people relying on me. I have to keep the faith. I have to.

Yes. Sometimes I envy some people I know for they have an unending list of friends when I can't even come up with ten. I have more business associates and clients than those of what they called, 'friends'. I know more of ethics and honour rather than the unwritten law of friendship. I envy those who are associated with light hearted people, who actually enjoys social life and parties. Those who get invited  to birthdays, anniversaries… etc. I can't say I am into those because I wasn't brought up to attend those. It seemed fun… but I wouldn't know it, would I?

Even if envy has begotten me, I didn't feel outraged towards these people. I see them lucky that they deserve to live. People like me, who don't have such affiliations don't have what they call 'a life' to begin with. These people holds the right to move on and be happy. And I AM HAPPY FOR THEM.

So tonight, I will be calculating the odds of choosing to play a white key or a black key.

Because come May, it will be time to face the music… the lowest key, at that.